Success isn’t always happiness. I’m happy now, but most people wouldn’t consider me successful. I don’t make much money and I’m not famous.

Today, I had a little taste of success in my online business. Things are moving, money is starting to roll in, etc. This made me anxious or scared. I thought about the causes of these feelings. Am I scared of success or another failure?

I been trying to make an online success since August ’08. I made many mistakes (i.e. failures) and I’ve grown to accept (and even welcome) failing. If I fail now — well, that won’t happen. But if it did…I don’t know — I’ll have to think about it.

Anyway, what I’m not used to is non-accidental success. Success that is attained after many failed tries — attained with awareness of the consequences.

It is scary. Here’s why.

For a nobody, life is a calm place. Everything is under control. No responsibilities or obligations. Do whatever you want — as long as it’s not expensive. Success, on the other hand, sounds chaotic. One important mark of success is: touching the lives of other people. The more people affected, the more success.

You’ll kinda have an obligation to these people. And you’ll have an obligation to maintain whatever it is that made you successful. If you’re tired of it, you can’t just abandon it — or can you? I don’t know.

But what I’m sure of is this: with success come distractions. Hence, less awareness of being. I’m not a Buddhist, but I like being mindful, present, and calm.

But  I do want to experience the things that money can buy. The trick is bringing that money while avoiding the distractions.